my girlfriend left me – said I was too obsessed
collecting superhero figurines and watching Star Trek
she said she was sick of seeing Star Wars
and the world wrestling federation posters on my wall

lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive

she said she needed space to find herself
but she’s started going out with someone else
she said if I ever met him I’d really like him
his favourite Dr Who was Tom Baker as well

lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive

she offered to return the Warhammer box set that I bought her
of course I declined
she returned all of my James Bond soundtrack albums
and the discworld novel I left behind

lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive

at a Games Workshop convention I look around
and think to myself – I bet there all in relationships
then I see a fat sweaty ugly balding man
I bet he’s not in a relationship
then I see the third finger on his right hand
by the staff of Gandalf he’s wearing a wedding band

lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive
lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive

lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive
lifes no fun when you’re anal retentive