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In 2006 a minor executive went “postal” brandishing a firearm and wearing a homemade explosives pack in a Milton Keynes office building – This was Nigel Gordon a sales rep for Stressless UK,  nicknamed “Angry” by his co workers – an ironic joke in reference to his passive nature and how it was taken advantage of by his henpecking wife and over bearing boss.

Luckily he was subdued with no one being harmed – it later turned out the pistol was a toy and the explosives washing up liquid bottles painted black.

As police psychologists pieced together what had happened – a video posted on youtube came to light in which he stated his anger at society in general and intention to kill a number of minor celebrities.

He went on to explain his dissatisfaction with life and disappointment in his career and how it had all come to a head when he accidentally saw an episode of “The Price Is Right” with Joe Pasquale – this was  “the straw that broke the camels back” tipping him over the edge into temporary insanity.

A copy of the video fell into the hands of avant garde record producers The Fabulous Beauchamp Brothers – they sampled Gordon’s angry diatribe and set it to music – the track was a minor cult hit ironically making Angry Nigel Gordon a celebrity in his own right. He now tours  nightclubs making personal appearances to promote the song.

C List Celebrity Hit List

Music and lyrics by Richard Lilley

ahhh the trials and petty irritations of every day life
for example, calling your bank and being put through to a call centre in another country
like Scotland
this is after waiting 20 minutes in a call queue and having to listen to a
tinny synthesized version of Mantovani
then while relaxing at home they call you
asking if you are satisfied with the service they are providing

I tolerate all of this

then I sit down and switch on my TV and see Richard Madeley smiling back at me
and the sight of my wife wasting her life watching Joe Pasquale on The Price Is Right
and I think to myself why not – get out my snipers rifle and clamber on to the rooftops
maybe get myself off a few randomly fired indiscriminate shots

Monday morning and its back to work as usual – oh joy
my boss is micro managing badly dressed moron with bad breath
he has a strict policy on bullying in the workplace
one which he doesn’t apply to himself
he likes to say clichés like “thinking outside the box”
and “you’ve got to see the bigger picture”
he refers to low grade workers as “cubicle monkeys”
and tells them “its time to eat reality sandwiches”

I tolerate all of this

then I sit down and switch on my TV and see Louis Walsh grimacing back at me
and the sight of my son singing along to a song by that witless talentless dick Will Young
and I think to myself do it – pick off a few moronic, ill informed social misfits
Sun reading, Big Brother watching, burberry wearing fuckwits’
its not murder – its curing the sick

don’t talk to me about the great British public
take a look outside the so called average man in the street is a brainless imbecile
they all deserve to die – starting with the c list celebrities they so avidly worship